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5 Essential Practices to Become Resilient

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Do you believe that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” If not, you should. Life knocks you down again and again. We lose loved ones, lose jobs, get our hearts broken, and our hopes get dashed. How can you overcome life’s challenges? By developing resilience.

What is resilience?

Resilience is the ability to maintain your emotional balance and physical wellbeing when dealing with stressful life circumstances. In other words, it is your ability to get back up when you’ve been knocked down.

Why Being Resilient?

Being resilient may seem like a nice trait to have, but not a must-have; however, did you know that being resilient could not only improve your health, but save your life as well?

In a study looking at patients with chronic pain, those who were resilient to the impact of chronic pain were 25% less likely to die within 10 years than those who were not resilient. Resilience boosts your immunity and this increased immunity has even been shown to lead to less mortality in bone marrow transplant patients.

Besides this, resilience can help you in your day to day life. For instance, if you are more resilient, you are less likely to miss work because of illness. You are also less likely to engage in risky behaviours such as drinking too much alcohol, smoking, and using drugs.

Being resilient even helps you age better and have an increased sense of wellbeing. Now, we all have to get older, but who doesn’t want to age better and thrive in old age.? Focus on your “healthspan,” how many years your are healthy, instead of your lifespan.

The good news about resilience is that it is not a static personality or character trait. You can learn it. Learn more about the 5 infallible practices to become resilient.

Practice Reframing

How do you reframe what happens to you? Quite simply, by relabeling your present situation or changing the way you think about any challenge. Ask yourself: “Is the glass half full or half empty?” The situation or circumstance is static. However, the way you view and interpret it is dynamic. You can reframe your perspectives at any time point. And you should.

Start by reframing stressful situations or unexplained anxiety. Instead of thinking about negative effects in your life, think of it as improving the quality of your life by providing you opportunities to learn and improve. Research shows that those who do this have better physical and emotional wellbeing than those who don’t.

So, instead of seeing stress and anxiety as overwhelming, think of it as a valuable lesson in life. Here are 3 simple ways to change your mindset when confronting stress and anxiety.

First, find the “why.” For instance, if you took a job that is now causing you stress, think about why you took the job in the first place. Say, you took your job just for the money. Maybe you realize that another lower-paying job could beef up your resume and would have been a better choice. By focusing on the why, you take a high-level perspective and become resilient by resisting immediate gratification.

Second, focus on the “how.” How will this stressor help you grow? Perhaps, this lower-paying job will teach you skills that you can use to become an entrepreneur, be your own boss and live life on your own terms. By imagining a brighter future, you can build your resilience.

Lastly, move from a subjective to an objective view of the stressor to “change your perspective.” Once you know the why and how, focus on identifying the opportunities posed by the stressful situation. You are now transforming your frame of mind and will feel an improvement of your mental and emotional state.

Practice Visualization

People who are resilient realize that situations which may feel overwhelming right now, may not impact them much in the long run. One way to maintain a long-term perspective is to visualize yourself as just a tiny element in the universe, realizing how unimportant you really are.

The stoic Aurelius did this by reflecting on how vast the universe was, and thought about infinite time in his meditations. By doing this, he was able to put his life into perspective. When you don’t take yourself so seriously, your present worries pale in comparison, and you don’t feel like your mess-ups are the end of the world. This helps you power on.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness has been shown to increase resilience. When you are under stress, the first thing you need is to calm your mind. When you are under stress, your mind can go haywire. The skeletons of the past and the ghosts of the future start to take over your thinking patterns. Circular and repetitive thoughts overwhelm your mind and interfere with clear judgement when you most need it.

Practicing mindfulness meditation or mindful framing lowers this rumination process. And the good news is that the more you practice, the more your brain circuitry changes. This is called neuroplasticity, anatomically imprinting your resilience into your brain to handle future stressful events.

And you don’t have to engage in a long-winded 60-minute practice every day. Just 10 minutes dedicated regularly to your favorite practice can reap benefits. Just do it.

Practice Awareness

In today’s pursuit of happiness, we are told to ignore or minimize negative emotions. It’s easy to distract our mind with all kinds of tricks like excessive eating or drinking. However, those who are resilient have learnt that having negative emotions is okay. So, they don’t suppress them or run away from them. Instead they embrace negative emotions as teachable moments.

This is how to handle negative emotions. Start by acknowledging your emotional state. Second, attach a label to the emotion, even if it is an unflattering emotion, for instance envy. Lastly, establish a positive framework around that emotion. For instance, if you are envious about someone else, the envy may reflect a sense of inferiority about yourself. Your life is telling you that you are missing something. If this is the case, make plans to get ahead and feel confident. Be specific. Take action.

Practice Empathy

No man or woman is an island. We all need people to hold us up when we are facing stressful situations. The more deep and meaningful relationships you have at work and home, the more resilient you will be. Don’t have a good support network now? Look around you, be truly empathetic. Build or reinforce relationships with your family, at work and your social network. Volunteer, take evening classes, join community and/or faith groups. By aligning yourself with others, you will have a tribe that you can rely on to bolster your strength for those difficult times.

 

We all face tough situations. Whether we rise from the ashes, or burn with the embers, depends on how resilient we are. Build those muscles of resilience so that you are better able to handle what life throws your way.

 

5 Steps to Become a Life-Long Learner

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Have you realized that you are not the same person you were five years ago? Some aspects of your character and values may have been impacted by unforeseen learning experiences!

Life offers us a continual stream of new possibilities for growth and expansion. There is a good chance that your work, social and personal life requires you to adapt to our ever-changing world.

Ideally you want to acquire relevant knowledge while avoiding all the noise that generates our environment. You can be up-to-date without over-stretching your mind or causing unnecessary anxiety following 5 easy steps.

 

Embrace the trial-and-error process

When you take on a new challenge, it can be exciting at first, but as you dig in, you might find your self drowning in uncharted waters.

Let’s imagine that you are building a personal or professional website. You might spend a lot of time on figuring out how to create different features, and you will certainly make mistakes. It’s okay to get a little lost in the process and let yourself run into problems and errors. Trial and error is a great way to construct a new, valuable skill set for future use.

The next time you try to build a website, you will know not just what to do, but also what not to do. You have learned from your mistakes, the most fundamental way of learning. Every misstep is an opportunity to learn a lesson, improve, and move forward.

 

Find the right environment

Take a moment and consider where you focus best and get your job done with ease and pleasure. For some, a coffee house with background music and chatter is ideal, others prefer a quiet place while some people need the pressure of the office environment.

Irrespective of working for yourself or a company, don’t hesitate to personalize your workspace to suit your needs. The days of one-size-fits-all learning (or work) environment are fast fading.

Instead, we now seem to understand that to achieve impactful wisdom, we should value the unique environmental needs and learning styles of each individual.

 

Read constantly

Reading should become a pleasurable activity. You must acquire the discipline of reading, in print or digitally, while reducing audio or video content. Reading does a few things to help you enhance learning.

First of all, your brain is focused on the information at hand. You let go of superfluous or unhelpful thoughts in order to concentrate. While reading you can either stop and reflect or accelerate and skim through words and sentences. You are actively controlling the information flow, while audio and video learning is a more passive approach.

Secondly, delving into a good book automatically brings fresh vocabulary, ideas and perspectives into the forefront of your consciousness. And more importantly, it helps hone your visualization skills and imagination capabilities.

When you acquire data through the written word, you improve your writing and oral communication skills. Your daily life and conversations can bring out opportunities to express and connect your new perspectives to the world around you.

 

Take breaks

As you sit down to complete a task, it can be tempting to enforce high expectations to master a new skill in one go. Yes, it’s commendable to have goals, but respect for your mental and physical boundaries should be front and center.

If you push yourself too hard, adverse outcomes can occur, such as:

  • Fatigue
  • Inability to make decisions
  • Lack of focus

However, if you incorporate breaks into your learning process, you give your mind (and emotions) the much-needed space to refocus and refresh.

Being mindful of our concentration patterns allows us to optimize our learning style in a significant way. A leader cannot expect his team to perform and be balanced without letting their minds and bodies recharge and relax. The introduction of a mindfulness practice is a way to increase learning readiness in high-performing organizations.

 

Sleep well

A night of restorative sleep can offer clarity and bring cohesiveness to the learning elements you have acquired throughout the day.

As you problem-solve or attempt to master a new skill, sleep may seem like the last thing you should do. Often, we can feel a strong desire to power through until we figure everything out.

But in reality, ‘sleeping on it’ can bring a valuable boost to our learning curve.  A recent study has confirmed that a good night’s rest can protect already stored memories while improving the access and organization of knowledge in the brain.

 

In essence, becoming a life-long learner requires daily habits that replace intensive data, information and knowledge gathering with a focus on acquiring wisdom with the right coordinates of time and space.

 

Leadership = Awareness + Empathy

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A true leader goes beyond the daily routine and takes a step back thinking about the consequences of every human interaction.

When you share ideas, proposals, or concerns, are you aware of their emotional impact on your team?

If you keep your thoughts to yourself, do you realize that they can take a toll on your own emotional balance?

Leaders want to be heard and valued, want to promote an atmosphere of positivity and productivity. This can be achieved more easily through self-awareness and empathy.

Leaders who are empathetic earn the trust of employees, who in turn are more productive. The right approach to empathy can go a very long way in promoting positivity at work.

 

What is empathy?

According to Gustavo Razzetti, author of Stretch for Change, there are two kinds of empathy: Emotional and Cognitive.

  1. Emotional Empathy is activated by mirror neurons, which allow us to feel another person’s feelings in a passive manner.
  1. Cognitive Empathy is also known as ‘perspective taking,’ when we are aware of your own insights and make an effort to understand others.

 

In the early 1990s, neuroscientists discovered that we have specific brain cells that become active when someone else is suffering. In essence, we can feel someone’s pain and move toward a closer understanding of them.

Of course, as a leader, it’s imperative that you understand where an employee is coming from on a topic without being triggered into an emotional response or unhelpful decision. Maintaining a clear, yet compassionate approach can be better achieved with Cognitive Empathy.

 

How can empathy help you be a more effective leader?

A skill that can be worked on and finely tuned with practice, Cognitive Empathy is invaluable for organizations because it:

Builds Team Culture. Making an effort to understand how someone thinks, behaves, and feels can offer you essential insights and allow your co-workers or employees to feel valued.

 

Diversifies Thinking. Not only does empathy create a feeling of connection among peers, but taking the time to understand someone else’s perspective increases diversity and convergence of ideas, explains Razzetti.

 

Impacts Communication. In her recent article, Prudy Gourguechon, Psychiatrist and Psychoanalyst, explains that empathy allows you to understand if you have fully reached and connected with those around you.

 

Inspires Loyalty. With empathy as a regularly used tool in your leadership belt, you can build your team, inspire followers, nurture leadership in others, and elicit loyalty, notes Gourguechon

 

What if you’re not naturally empathetic? 

Empathy is an innate trait that’s in all of us; however, like anything else, it runs on a spectrum of weak to strong.

If you’re not naturally inclined to empathy, you can still harness its power through a few simple tactics:

 

Think before you act. For instance, if an employee needs time off during a busy peak, before you say ‘no,’ take a moment to consider what your decision will mean to the person.

You don’t need to say ‘yes’ if the answer should be ‘no.’ But showing you understand where the person is coming from goes a long way in keeping up morale.

 

Practice mindfulness or seek advice. If you’re not strong in the empathy department, you don’t need to change who you are. First of all, being aware of it allows you to fill in the gap with someone who compliments your weakness, notes Gourguechon.

 

Can you be too empathetic?

Imagine spending your whole day feeling the ups and downs of everyone around you. Sound fun? Not at all.

Being highly empathetic is a superpower in so many ways, but it can also hinder your ability to function as a leader if you’re pulled in too many directions.

Perhaps you’re managing a small team of recruiters who often have disputes with one another. As the team leader, you want to keep your eye on the goals, so that you can make deadlines and expand your recruitment services.

If you spend every afternoon feeling emotionally charged thoughts unrelated to the big picture goals, then your vision and effectiveness as a leader become muddied. Of course, it’s imperative to explore workplace disputes and aim to resolve them, but it’s also your job to keep a compassionate, yet targeted eye on the prize.

 

With the right amount of awareness and insight, you can feel out another’s perspective and understand the social and emotional landscape of your work environment. Use empathy to create well-informed decisions, to inspire loyalty, and to communicate as clearly as possible.

 

Stress-free Leaders Do 5 Things Every Day

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Have you ever seen yourself as a leader, the boss of your life? Wouldn’t be great to coast stress-free through your personal, family and work responsibilities and goals?

Those who lead successfully their life and businesses rarely display stress despite everyday challenges and overwhelming agendas.

To become a truly effective leader with the right mindset, learn and practice how to control your time, actions and spaces.

 

 

Focus on one thing at a time

How can you efficiently concentrate on something when your phone is vibrating, and your e-mails are stockpiling?

The key is time blocking. To time block, you section your day into segments of activities. For instance, just between 8-9 am and 4-5 pm you might answer e-mails (then leave them untouched for the rest of the day).

This simple approach will substantially increase your available time for focused work without continually shifting gears, keeping you and your goals on track. Tomorrow will come, and the remaining messages will be answered.

Some benefits of time blocking include:

  • Increased focus on tasks
  • Balanced workload
  • Task prioritization
  • Bolstered sense of accomplishment

 

Work at your peak energy hours

Many people nowadays are able to have flexible work hours. If freedom of time is your case, it’s worth noting whether you are more productive in the morning, afternoon or evening.

Some people thrive when they dig in first thing upon rising. However, some may prefer to enjoy a workout, relaxed coffee, and breakfast with their family before answering calls and handle requests.

Be mindful of your life’s overall values and when you accomplish at your best.

 

Create and maintain boundaries

When you head home at the end of a long workday, it can be all too easy to stay in overdrive. Instead of indulging in a movie with your kids and being in the moment, you might be tempted to start worrying and acting on your to-do list.

See yourself as a leader who needs to get things done but with the ability to define when, where and with whom to accomplish them. Create boundaries for yourself and others, not just for focused work but also for well-deserved downtime. Often, if someone knows that you are not available after a specific time of day, respect for your boundaries will be formed.

When the space and time of everyone are acknowledged, teamwork and creativity improve. Some problems require solo work, while other tasks can only be achieved through cooperation and convergence of the minds. Let’s be surprised when closing and opening these gates of creativity.

 

Avoid wasting time

We want to please others, to help others, to work in teams, but we waste precious time without a well-defined purpose when meeting with someone to accomplish a task.

Have you ever sat through a meeting while you know that you would be more productive if you could get back to your desk?

Meetings are the prime example of a time-wasting activity. Meetings are helpful when there is a powerfully clear agenda with an eagle-eye focus on targets. But in reality, meetings can often pull people off track with conflicting agendas, either behind the scenes or in the open.

If you do have a meeting, do your best to keep it short and sweet. In essence, you want to get in, express crucial points, get feedback and decide next steps.

 

Say ‘no’ often

“The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything.”  Warren Buffet

See yourself as a leader, a natural born achiever. But control your desire to be everywhere and everything to everyone because it will not help you attain quality leadership.

Remember, it’s okay to opt out.  American hedge fund manager, James Altucher, gave this golden piece of advice, “If something is not a ‘Hell Yeah!’ then it’s a no.”

Give yourself permission to prioritize and stick to only that which will serve you best. Keep in mind, you can only give and be productive if your energy is not depleted.

 

Only if you are in control of your life you will be able to avoid unnecessary stress. A highly effective leader values time, defines boundaries and acts when the iron’s hot. Keep your mind sharp and focused but find time to go home and discover the smoothness and refreshing feeling of a cool iron.

Integrating, instead of balancing, your work and life

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You hear it all the time – to be happier and more productive you should balance your work and life. But in practical terms, what does this mean?

Take a moment to picture an average day in your work and personal life. Let’s imagine you are a parent who works from 9-5 and still manages to find time for healthy meals and downtime with your children. Work and life seem to be clearly separated by the time allocated to each activity. Right?

Wrong. Interconnectivity and the way our brains are wired make this separation impossible. This parent cannot simply forget the kids from 9-5 or ignore work responsibilities after 5.

 

 

For many, a thriving career serves as a powerful motivating force that provides life’s meaning through goals and satisfaction. For others, work provides the means to pursue personal goals.

There is a middle ground. Rather than striving to separate work and life, an effort that can lead to anxiety and stress, why not weaving them together? Follow these 3 rules for a seamless work-life integration.

 

Reconsider your occupation

It’s a given that no matter what’s your profession, there will be always be pros and cons for your chosen career, ups and downs in your workplace.

Wouldn’t be amazing if most people could enjoy the profession they chose and their current workplace? Moreover, wouldn’t it be nice to feel a natural inclination or urge to complete the tasks at hand – instead of dreading every assignment.

Start by taking a look at your profession and career path to see if it feeds and nourishes your passion for excelling and expanding. Let’s imagine you work in a publishing house as a staff writer, if you love your work you may be naturally inclined to wake up and write.

On the other hand, you may hate sitting in front of a white screen ready to write a new piece. This doesn’t mean you need to start thinking about a career change, just take some time to evaluate what your honest heart’s desires and potentially refocus towards a new path.

With renewed motivation, you can certainly begin writing and publishing daily. Small steps everyday go a long way when changing the course of your career’s direction.

When you are satisfied with what you do, it’s a joyful process to incorporate work into your life with ease.

 

Realize that it’s okay to love what you do

At times, we feel an urge to work in an exciting project in our personal time, even sacrificing a well-deserved weekend or vacation time. We need breaks, but we also need to feed our desires to excel and achieve. Sometimes you will feel a strong momentum and sense a powerful life force that requires our full attention and effort. Go for it!

There are also times when our personal life should be a priority. For instance when a family member needs support or we need to take care of our health.

Integration means not feeling guilty when answering emails late at night and tying up loose ends from work after spending a time with your family or unwinding. These few minutes will make your next day more streamlined and efficient. It’s okay to work your job into your home life and to consider personal matters while at work.

 

Modulate your energy  

It takes a lot of effort and stress trying to draw a distinct line in the sand between work and life. The two mingle together often, so rather than creating unrealistic expectations, why not finding ways to recharge your energy throughout your day?

Every single one of us has energy spikes, dips, and times when we coast. It’s entirely fine to feel down and without motivation. It will pass.

Being aware of our energetic mood helps us to realize where we are at emotionally, physically and mentally.

In an article from McKinsey & Co, Gila Vadnai-Tolub explains that we have different energy modes: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Each type of energy offers us a unique form of fulfillment, but we can’t expect to be highly functioning for all of them every moment.

It’s okay to realize that during work, you might need a moment to watch a fun YouTube video so your brain relaxes. And at home, your may want to spend time thinking on a new project from work.

Being aware of what we need in each moment to achieve emotional and energetic satisfaction helps us to meld both work and life together.

Vadnai-Tolub suggest 3 approaches to leverage our energy levels:

  1. Allow yourself the time and space to not always be in high energy mode. It’s okay and desirable to find time to slow down and relax. Be lazy some times!

 

  1. Choose to see the good. Remain attentive toward what is going right in your life and work. We all have room for improvement. Take it with a grain of salt, improve when you can, and keep moving toward goals with optimism.

 

  1. Boost your energy. If you work at a desk all day, maybe you can go outside during lunch hour and appreciate the fresh air, even dedicating some time to thinking or resolving personal matters. Also, you can find moments of inspiration by letting your mind wander towards what you appreciate and love in life.

 

Life doesn’t have to be cut and dry. Our modern lives call for modern solutions. This may mean that it’s time to stop trying to draw lines and create compartments in our lives. Let’s discover what we love to do… and do it!

The first 9 and 99 days

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Succeeding at any new job, activity or relationship is about establishing trust, building rapport and credibility in the first 3 months. This post describes a mnemonic trick, NOW with LUCK, to help you navigate these initial days. The first 9 days require full presence, the skills of NOW, and within 99 days we need LUCK, driven by the way we interact with others.

Successful people seem to have traits that appear unattainable to everyone else. However, I believe that everyone can master any new challenge and opportunity by practicing personal skills NOW and people skills with LUCK.

N avigate. Be an explorer. Chart the course, raise the sail and share the ride. Let others see who you are, your values, goals, style. Be someone who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way.

O bserve. Be a scientist. Pay close attention to you and your surroundings. Develop hypotheses, experiment, practice trial and error, observe and interpret the results. Share and discuss your ideas, be humble.

W ait. Be a monk. Patience is a virtue. Outstanding results take time. If you are in control and do everything you can, just wait for extraordinary things to happen.

NOW encapsulates my daily compass and directionality. I am proactive and make decisions continuously, good and bad. I feel in charge. I acknowledge myself, others and the environment. It’s not what happens to me, it’s how I react to what happens.

L isten actively. Be focused and present in all conversations. Listen to all ideas. Be passionately curious about non-intrusive personal and professional aspects of others. Be open to advice and counsel.

U nderstand empathetically. Strengthen personal connections at the emotional and mental level in each conversation. Go beyond words, dig deeper into what motivates you and others, discover what lies behind the surface.

C ompassion seeking. Continuously ask, what can I do to help you? Help others manage and overcome difficulty. Be empathetic and supportive. Embrace and promote a spirit of service.

K now deeply. Conceptualize the situation, the key drivers, where you and others are and need to be. Assess and adapt to challenges and opportunities. Incorporate this knowledge into a framework of ethical values. Inspire and mobilize others with genuine value propositions.

LUCK is about my interactions, cooperation and lucky encounters. I integrate my thoughts, concerns, feelings, emotions with those of others. I value each interaction as a source of inspiration, an opportunity to connect and harmonize. I balance my commitments to others with my expectations from others.

If you want to catch up, get ready to grab your sextant for the next 9 and 99 days and start every day NOW with LUCK.